Something to skewer them by

With the rains gone, the daylight savings in effect, cloudless skies, balmy weather and mid-spring hours conversation has run dry. There seems nothing out of the usual around me, nothing to ruffle feathers or provoke thought enough to cause me to pen it down. But that is not to say that the world has been without drama. We begin with the honourable Minister of External Affairs who had this to say on the status of the defunct and laughably idealistic Non-Aligned Movement: "Non-Aligned Movement is not a doctrine or a dogma. It is a state of mind," He furthermore went on to add that "the 'digital divide' was increasing these days, [and] the movement needed a 'blood transfusion' to meet the challenges of the 21st century and to avail of its opportunities." Mr Singh's anachronistic comments and subtle pokes at himself never fail to amuse half the Indian media but I wish he were the wiser for it. The media itself of course seldom passes the idiocy test. Soon after Natwar Singh visited with George Bush, the Indian Express or one of its many confusingly named satellites went hyperbolic as it fished for every imaginable, vaguely hinted and amusing innuendo that pointed towards the development of "strategic relations" between India and the United States. It concluded its piece with the following words that demanded champagne:

"The very fact that it was a meeting in the Oval Office and not a "drop in" is regarded by observers as having high significance for the importance Bush attaches to Indo-US."

I was led to think that as always however The Hindu would serve the one silver lining but it decided to bite the bullet and move ever so slightly towards the tabloid model of news reporting with its modified front-page hairdo. Knowing though that it is The Hindu and it took a hundred years for them to think of colour photographs as a good idea, I would not be too worried about their decadent ways of life -- communism as an ideology does have its plus points too. Can anybody imagine that they employed a full-fledged "information design firm" that went into the specifics of redesigning their front page? Even that is understandable in the no longer surprising nation of excesses, but actually to celebrate its coming of age with a ceremony likely in some hall with Damoclean fans hanging from long rods ready to chop off anybody of above-average height defies reason.

But let us now move northwards. BBC interviewed Comrade Akash from Nepal who delivered perhaps the most puzzling and nuanced description of himself: "I am a political person". In a fantastic piece, typical of BBC's dry, acid almost Onion-like tart humour, Comrade Akash plays himself into the hands of his interviewer and ends up being trumped up by him. Of particular note:

"I researched a bit about the Maoists and found they get no salary or pension. Maoists can sacrifice their lives for poor people. They're the only party which regularly does social work." The Maoists routinely force villagers, hoteliers and tourists to give them money. I asked what this funded. "Money goes to the Central Committee and is divided up. The party has given 50,000 rupees to a secondary school in [neighbouring] Parbat district. It gave 21,000 for the water supply in one village. Last year it gave five million rupees for development."

To laugh at the Times of India would serve no purpose for they do a very good job themselves. To vaunt of high standards of journalism and then to apply them to the Times of India would be meaningless. Their coverage of the annual Miss India beauty pageant was significantly aided by those competing in it. The eventual winner was asked in the first round as to what her slogan of choice on a shirt would be and she replied, promptly and without hesitation I hope: "Alive and kicking, because that's the person I am, someone who believes in living life to the max." -- not exactly in the same ballpark as Madhu Sapre's sports stadium (pun unintended) but clearly not completely shorn of its own merit either. But we are about the flagship Bennett and Coleman publication:

That beauty contests are now about more than mere beauty was underscored both by the questions and the answers elicited from the participants. Although co-host Sameer Soni did let slip that the event was all about beauty, brains and also athleticism, viewers were left in no doubt that increasingly, beauty contests test grey matter as well as measuring vital statistics.

In substantiation of their point:

The fashion designer-cum-winner was not the only one to think out of the box and come up with a peppy response. In the semi-final round, when the contestants were asked which invention they would like to create and why, Sindhura said she wanted to develop a natural remedy for cancer, while Niharika plumped for a love machine to spread world peace.

They mix and mash their metaphors into one heady cocktail: